British pastor Martin Loyd –Jones wrote that one needs to not listen to yourself, as this many times only leads to discouragement, restlessness, and even depression. When you listen to yourself, you can easily fall into discouragement and self-pity and eventually disbelief. Talking to yourself is a much better route- especially if you quote the words of truth from the Scriptures. These days I am trying to do a lot of talking to myself. Reminding myself again and again of the promises of God- That His plans are for my good and not my harm. Even when I don’t understand and cannot fully grasp His intentions over the last 15 months of Kristen’s battle and eventual death, He is trustworthy. I am learning to talk to myself more and listen to myself less each day.
Blessings,
Kurt
In a world where authenticity is rare, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us. Even in the midst of tremendous grief, you are still teaching those who read this blog to be transparent, to be real, to be honest in joy and in suffering. We won’t pretend we can even imagine the pain of your loss. We have asked why many times ourselves. Know the Holy Spirit prompts up to pray for your and your kids often and we do. We will continue to pray for peace in the midst of confusion, strength in the midst of exhaustion, mercy in the midst of pain and comfort in the midst of sorrow and loneliness. As part of the family of God, we can not remove this tragedy but we can help us carry this burden. Please let us know how we can help.
This is such good advise for us all Kurt. A friend once told me to speak the name of Jesus outloud and voice audibly what God has to say about the circumstances I find myself facing and about who I am in Christ. I thanked them profusely because my inner voice at times attempts to distract, discredit and even destroy what God has spoken and propelled into existence. God’s words of truth are the balm, the life our souls and minds need daily to battle against the flesh. Thanks for this timely reminder to trust in the character of God and not in his power. Please know our hearts and prayers are with you dear friend.
Kurt, I am talking to Him for you as well. Blessings and peace.
Thanks, Brother, for those words of wisdom. I needed to hear that. Love you.
Dearest Kurt, these words ring so true to me. My dear sister/friend/mentor in Christ has told me that Satan cannot read our thoughts, though he’s a master at stirring them for harm…Whereas, if we speak aloud as Jesus did “get the behind me Satan” then we allow our living and loving GOD to remind us of His true and perfect plan for us.
I’m sure I’m not alone when I pray you keep the faith, because God uses your children everyday to hold me in the light of His love today and forever.
Love, Aunt Maryjane
Thank you so much for sharing. I myself am currently engaged in a battle with my physical health that was unforseen and began suddenly back in February. I can relate to the discouragement, depression, and restlessness, especially when most days recently have been filled with the disruption of normal daily activites and the unknown is ever present. I found that my faith was faltering and I could not pray.
Your words have been an encouragement.
“Simon, Simon, satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.” Luke 22:31,32
Dear Brother Kurt,
Amen! You and your precious family are in our prayers daily. Our hearts are grieving with you dear brother. Keep holding onto Jesus. As a musician, in difficult times, lyrics to songs come to my mind. Maybe this song that was made known to us in Amy Grant’s early ministry will comfort you…. Do you remember the song, “Faith Walkin’ People?”
FAITH WALKIN’ PEOPLE
Well, it seems with you there is something new
Every time I turn around
Oh, I never really know, quite what to expect
But it won’t get me down
‘Cause I know you bring each and every thing
Just to teach me how to live
And the secret of it all is trusting in you
And the wisdom to give
So say goodbye to the feelings ’cause the feelings go away
Say goodbye to the people ’cause the people never stay
And say goodbye to the future then it blinds you to today
And say goodbye to that reasoning that’s standing in the way
‘Cause we’ve got to break away, break away to be
Faith-walkin’ people, can’t rely on everything we feel
Faith-talkin’ people, we must discern what’s really real
Faith-walkin’ people, you can’t believe in everything you see
Faith-talkin’ people, seems like such a mystery
But in all the earth there is nothing worth
Half as much as life with you
‘Cause the people and the things we’re counting on here
They gonna’ pass away too
Well, I don’t understand everything he’s planned
But I don’t really have to know
‘Cause he’s giving me a joy
That’s filling my heart when I learn to let go
So say goodbye to the feelings ’cause the feelings go away
Say goodbye to the people ’cause the people never stay
And say goodbye to the future then it blinds you to today
And say goodbye to that reasoning that’s standing in the way
‘Cause we’ve got to break away, break away to be
Faith-walkin’ people, can’t rely on everything we feel
Faith-talkin’ people, we must discern what’s really real
Faith-walkin’ people, you can’t believe in everything you see
Faith-talkin’ people, seems like such a mystery
Keep holding onto Jesus Brother Kurt. Keep allowing yourself to grieve. It’s okay dear brother! Your time of sorrow WILL bring joy in the morning…God promises us. that but all in His time. Grieve. We grieve with you.
In Him,
Scott, Debbie, and Jackson Robbins
Kurt: I just read this same quote recently and thought it was so good for all of us that I wrote it in my journal. Know Keith and I pray for you and each of your children daily. Love to all of you! Linda
Kurt, as you and the kids seek the unwelcomed “new normal” for your lives, you are seeking in the right direction. God’s promises are trustworthy even when our finite eyes cannot see the why. Your future and hope lies in Him. Blessings, my brother, in Christ. Sandy Baker
Amen brother! Preach on! Love you and praying for you.
Dear Kurt and family, I want to thank you for sharing your experience with us. I can see how strong, faithful, authentic followers of Christ you all are, you use this experience also as part of your mission, thank you. All of us at some point will lose the loved ones it is written in our cells lat. “memento mori”, in you we have a model of how we can be prepared. Thank you for your humanity that you are showing to us, when Jesus was on His way to complete His mission you could see and feel His humanity also when somebody from the crowd Simone form Cyrene was brought to carry the cross along with Him, He could do it Himself but it was an example for us of how to carry our burden to each other, how to help each other in fulfilling our mission, an example of the power of community; finally Jesus was the one who had to be on the cross and complete the work but for a short time somebody was along of His side and helped Him. I know that you would not wanted this sort of experience as many of us who were and are touched in a way or another from your all ministry but from all of us a multitude of people God considered you the most brave, courageous, strong, with the highest level of dignity that could handle this process, as for the rest of us we have the obligation for at least to stay firm and pray for you and for us because we may also be called for His work in different ways. In different languages that I speak it is hard for me to find the right words in this sort of circumstances that is why all what I can say is thank you. I am one of the multitude of Simone of Cyrene who are trying to be on your side in prayer at least for some time.
Kurt…you and your family are such an inspiration. The very thing I came to realize in my personal journey of loss, that allowed the healing to begin, is what you just shared. I had a choice…to focus on the pain, which added to the pain that I was already feeling…or to focus on His Love for me and the Truth in His Word. Even though I couldn’t understand “why”, and I certainly battled with it, I eventually chose to let go of the hurt, the pain, the anger…all of it…and started focusing on His Love & His Truths…over and over again, allowing it to penetrate my heart…and eventually mend the broken pieces. Today…I’m a different person because of that experience…and thankful for where I am in relationship to our God. Praying for you dear friend…that you will feel the embrace of His sweet Love.