I wrote this a few days ago, and hope you find some encouragment from it.
The past few days it has been a constant struggle to believe certain truths the Bible tells me about our God, in particular that he is a good God. I cannot deny the existence of God simply because of general revelation, that is God revealing himself through creation, but in trials it is quite easy to deny the existence of a good God. It has been easy to ask myself the question, “Why would a good God take away my mom and put us through this trial of intense pain?” It has been a war in mind, and honestly, I have recently been choosing to doubt the goodness of God. Today however, the Lord continued to prove to me that he is a good God. While sitting in the CBMW (Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood) conference today, the man sitting next to me and I struck up conversation and I slowly told him about mom. He was quite genuine and compassionate in his response and asked if he could pray for me. I gave a reluctant yes and he began praying over me. His entire prayer was a prayer, thanking God for his goodness in hard times! Throughout his prayer he said multiple times, “Lord, thank you that you are good in hard times and trials, and help us to believe that you are good even when it’s hard.” I’m so grateful the Lord used this man to remind me of who he is and to encourage me in his goodness. Our God is a good God and he will go lengths to prove what the Bible says about his character to be true. I love how God is persistently personal in his pursuit of proving to us that what his word says of him is one-hundred percent true all the time, and that we can find comfort in the truth of who he is.
-Drew
Thank you so much for your willingness to be “real” and vulnerable. If we are honest, all of us pass through times in our lives when we’ve been right there with you experiencing feelings just like that. What a journey it is learning to praise Him in the valley as well as the mountain top. Lifting up a prayer for you and your family just now……… In Him
Praising our good God for putting this man of Truth in your path @ just the right time! HE has a way of doing those kinds of things in HIS perfect timing. Praying for you, fine young man, as you continue to heal & grow in wisdom & stature & in favor w/God & man. May you continue to feel & know how wide, how deep the Father’s love for you!!
Oh dear Drew,
Thank you for your trusting, transparent self! How bruised, battered, and broken God’s family is at times! Very refreshing to hear that God is good, even when times are not! I love how He brought that faithful follower to you right when you needed to hear that prayer! Rejoicing that His eye is on the sparrows and is certainly on you, dear young man! May His victories come at you one by one…and that you catch glimpses of His greatness and goodness frequently! So proud of you, during some impossible times! He fights for you and your great family! Remembering Exodus 33…”I will cause all My goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim the name of Yahweh before you…”Onward, soldier! You are WINNING your race, son! Love and prayers…
Thanks for sharing this Drew! Your family continues to be in our prayers.
Well said, Drew! True words.
Dear Drew:
I can’t begin to know your pain, but I do know our God. He is good and I will pray that you will not only know but feel the presence of God as you continue to walk. God is always good and He has much in store for you and your family. Praying for you and your family. Walk by Faith and not by sight. He is guiding you.
Sister in Christ, Connie
Drew, the posts by you, your Dad, Ellie, Ivy and Olivia are so special – thank you so much for continuing your Mom’s blog. Through your posts it’s easy to hear the pain. As I told your Dad, I recently saw a quote that said, “The depth of the grief reflects the depth of the love.” You guys were so BLESSED to have Kristen as a Mom. She was (is) so special to so many outside your family….we can only imagine how special she was as a wife and Mom.
Drew, I have no doubt you know the Bible better than I, so you know Jesus said, “If you’ve seen me you’ve seen the Father.” In John 11 it says that, “When Jesus saw her (Mary) weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.” Two verses later it says, “Jesus wept.” So as you and your Dad and sisters feel the extreme loss, you can know that Jesus, and therefore God, also relates to what you are experiencing. Jesus knew Lazarus was ok, but He was moved by the depth of their sorrow. Jesus and God the Father know your Mom is ok (oh, SO much more than ok!), but I am sure they are moved by your sorrow.
I remember the scene in the movie Courageous when Adam Mitchell’s Pastor tells him it would be better to be grateful for the 9 years he had with his daughter Emily than to be bitter for the times he would never experience.
Still, I can relate Drew. Kristen wasn’t my Mom, but my eyes tear up as I write this. Love you guys.
Dear Drew and Family,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and deep grief with us. Although your pain is intense, I hope you will be able to take some comfort in knowing that your willingness to share is so very helpful to me and others. That may sound strange but again, thank you. Oh how I wish I could have known your mom well. I loved hearing her on the radio while sitting in the carpool at Highlands Latin School. Sweet. Lastly, I am grateful for many years ago meeting a military chaplain while in Korea as I was there to sing and minister to our troops. He was a grief counselor and I will always be grateful for what he shared on grief when we lose a loved one. One thing that stuck in my memory is that he said it takes 90 days before it begins to sink in and then at that time the pain of the loss is soooo great and that’s when you need a big boost of support. It’s been 90 days for you all and my heart and prayers are with you! He also said that we will go through the grief process (the 5 stages of grief) a minimum of 5 times in 2 years and to please allow it to happen in order to heal. I don’t know if this info helps and be rest assured that many are praying for you. “God is our refuge and our strength. An ever present help in time of trouble.” Psalm 46:1
Your mom, Kristen Sauder, will have an impact for generations to come!
As Anne of Green Gables would say, “Just you mind that!” 🙂