Kurt was talking with an elder from our church this week who summed up his prayers for me this way: “I’m praying for 100% healing and 100 pounds!” Now that sounds fabulous!
We are praising the Healer that the lower dose of Tarceva is leaving the tummy alone. I have been hungry and able to eat. Simple things, I confess I took them for granted and even neglected their importance. Now I am so much more aware and grateful for every bite.
The next step is for my digestive system to heal completely so that I will absorb nutrients again and gain weight. On this diet, 100 pounds will be an act of God to celebrate! So, we’re joining our faithfully praying elder in asking for that specific increase.
A wave of emotions hit last night. Missing “ministry” basically. Teaching. Radio. Things I absolutely love to do. Not being able to pop up out of bed in the morning and be-bop off to carry out my Father’s business opened the floodgates for a bit. I realized I was grieving the loss of routine, familiarity, independence and even atta-boys, not just for me but for Kurt as well. For the last 21 years, that’s what we’ve done together: ministry. We’ve been busy for God. Now I’m being reminded that He doesn’t need that so much – imagine that! He invites me to partner, but He doesn’t need me.
Sometimes I just want to DO something or even lots of somethings! Yes, Martha, I’m with you. It really is easier on my flesh to give than to receive. As much as I crave being a Mary who sits at Jesus feet, I get impatient, restless, irritable and plain old sad sometimes.
The best news is that God is so patient with me (as are my family and friends), but He is the best. He settles me down. His whisper and His Word remind me to trust, to really, fully trust, as Gregg Dedrick of Spirit Ministries would say, “His better-than plan.” So that’s where I am, held by His hands, learning to submit to and even celebrate that better-than plan. Wonderful grace of Jesus . . .
Just wanted to let you know that you encouraged me today. I am recovering from a second neck surgery, and really missing ministering to women too. Praying for your 100% recovery. Love, Terri Ray
I totally get what you are feeling. So many things you are saying I have felt over the past ten years. As you know due to my spinal injury, I have many limitation. I get sad for my family and for me and then I wake up and thank God for the things I can do and all the blessings. I still grieve and some days are better than others. The times I grieve most are the times God puts someone suffering worse than me and have to thankful that today I was able to get out of bed. I know you have many friends and are surrounded by family but if you want some company please let me know.I would love to come and just do whatever you need. I think of you daily and know how lonely and empty it can be when you can’t do what you have always done.
Blessings,
Kim Burger
You ARE doing ministry! Your faithfulness in the midst of the “hard” speaks volumes to the body of Christ. Thank you for your sweet words that minister and encourage in more ways than you will ever know. Praying for 100/100! To God be the glory!
Betsy Heady
Your words of encouragement and honesty are a balm to my soul as well today sweet Kristen. Don’t worry, God is using this situation for His glory fulfilling His purpose at this time in this way through you!! You are a light to so many. Thank you for letting go and letting Jesus shine!! Please go on speak truth and share how God is continuing the process of making you whole in more ways than one. I’m so blessed to call you my sister in Christ and friend. I love you and miss you!! Praying for weight gain and for the rain to continue to pour. Sending hugs to you and your precious family.
Dearest Kristen,
Over the past several months you may not have been able to “go about your business” as you are accustomed to but you have been ministering to us all in ways that you never could have under “normal” circumstances. Reading your words of faith and watching you walk through this journey in your life and being able to hold on to the faith that you and your family have is a testimony to us all. It has taught me a great deal about trust in our God, my Father, my Daddy. I am certain that God meant all this to be a huge part of your ministry.
Dear Kristen, I am joining in on that prayer for 100/100! Thank you and your whole family for blessing us as you share what God is doing in and through you on this journey. I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer on Feb.5th and have been thankful for you and others who are preparing the road before me. After 2 surgeries in March I started chemo 2 days ago, and so far very good! I am hoping to be at the Olmstead on the 25th and am praying for your strength and incredible insight as you minister to us! To God be the glory! Because of Him! Becky
Hi Kristen,
You don’t know me but I knew Kurt years ago. I started praying for you & Kurt after my mom ran into Peg at the grocery store and she told my mom your story. I understand that you need to grieve what once was “normal” but don’t believe the lie that you are not still in ministry. Your honesty and openness expressed in this blog is touching and encouraging many—more than you can imagine! A couple of things came to mind this morning as I read this post and was praying for you. One was Psalm 40. God is lifting you out of the pit and giving you a new song–different than what you had before–but still from God “many will see and hear and put their trust in Him”. The second was the song from Gungor “Beautiful Things”. Take a few minutes to listen to it, God is making a beautiful thing out of you.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Sqy1a_Gz0zQ
Blessings,
Amy (Schock) Gardner
Beautiful words as always, Kristen! You are so full of grace and what an example you are to us!! I remember one of your teachings at the ladies Bible Study from “Trading Panic for Peace”, and how you talked about how we are always so go-go-go and sometimes God will use something out of our control to bring us rest. I pray for your healing, and that when you look back someday you will see a beautiful time of rest through what was otherwise an ugly sickness. A time that God used you like no other – in your weakness His strength made you and your message stronger! I am so glad I discovered your blog a few months ago and can hear your precious words again! We are now in the St. Louis area and I continue to be so blessed from being under your leadership those years ago – you are dear to me!
Thank you for sharing openly with us who are praying for you. Your work in writing this blog is touching many lives and ministering to us. Please let you Martha self take pleasure in that continuing work and know that God is moving in your ministry still. God bless you and bring you to 100/100!
“Jesus calls us or’ the tumult of our life’s wild restless sea. Day by day His sweet voice soundeth saying, ‘Christian follow Me.'” Living for Him, witnessing to His unfailing love is a ministry–whether on the radio, leading a Bible study, serving in the largest slum in Africa, or set aside from the mainstream at home…His choice! He knows you will be faithful, and He knows who you will reach for Him. You are reaching many who are suffering as you are, and for now this is the
ministry–His ministry. And I know you would not want it any other way. Fear not! You are not cut off: Ps 31:32. <3
Kristen,
My husband, Phil, told me to make sure and tell you that you ARE DOING MINISTRY now to so many. I know it is not the ministry you had in mind, but it is REAL MINISTRY the kind that GOD had for you now in this season. We love you and hope to have you back doing your favorite ministry again, real soon. Praying for 100/100!