Learning to live this latest lesson: pain is never pointless. Thanks to our redeeming God, there’s purpose in our pain. Revelation reminds us that one day every tear will be wiped away and there will be no more sorrow, pain or death. Until then, it’s appointed unto man once to die. Until then, we cry, mourn and sorrow, though not as those who have no hope. And, until then we live through seasons of pain, some long, some short, some emotional and some physical.
In the last chapter of Joni Eareckson Tada’s book, A Place of Healing, she relates the story of Shantamma. Born with a disability that prevented her from using her legs, this Hindu child from India drug herself across the floor of her home, rarely ever leaving her house. But God . . . so loved the world, including Shantamma, that He sent an ambassador, an evangelical pastor, to visit Shantamma’s family. That pastor also owned a copy of one of Joni’s books relating her testimony of her own disability and her faith in Jesus. Shantamma read this book many times and God used Joni’s story to birth faith in this Hindu girl. Joni says this is just one of the one million ways the Father has used the pain of her paralysis to accomplish His purpose.
Many years ago, I endured a season of emotional pain. The hurt cut so deep that there were days I wasn’t sure I’d make it through. I questioned God’s goodness and considered abandoning my faith. But God . . . wouldn’t let me go. Gently, patiently, relentlessly, He pursued me in His great love. In so many personal ways He wooed me to His side. Close to Him again, my pain found purpose, driving me to desire and pursue an intimacy with Him that today I wouldn’t trade for anything.
Now, for the first time in my life, I find myself learning (things many of you have known for a long time) through physical pain. I never realized how distracting intense pain can be. I want to read, to pray, to kneel, to sing, to dance and to commune with my Jesus, but it takes so much effort just to stay focussed. So much work to concentrate. Many recent days have been spent just resting, just being still, letting Him fight for me. Time in my Tent of Meeting (Ex. 33) looks different right now. Lots of silent seeking, even some snoozing, waiting, trusting the intercession of the Savior, the groaning of the Spirit and the beseeching requests of the Bride.
Stories like Joni’s keep me encouraged as I trust God’s plan, knowing that God is not random. I’m convinced that out of my life, He will accomplish His purpose. Out of your pain, He will accomplish His plan. I look for His work and expect fruit for the Kingdom and glory for the King!
Health Update: Some of you have heard rumors that we’ve called in Hosparice. Yes, it’s true that about six weeks ago we brought Hosparice in but not for the traditional reasons you may be thinking. Hosparice is the best in pain management and so while I continue to use alternative treatments and therapies, we’re employing some pain meds that keep me persevering. These medicines are designed to help me heal, not for end of life comfort. We’ve already been able to come off of several of the drugs that we began weeks ago. My traditional Doctors continue to give less than favorable reports from their perspective (that’s all they’ve ever given), however they’ve also acknowledged prayers at work and even used the word miracle to describe my unexpected progress at different times. Thank You, Jesus!
Now some days are definitely harder than others. My job is to keep my eyes on my Savior trusting His will and His perfect plan. He knows what He’s doing and all that He does is right and best always. Ultimately, we take one day at a time. It’s up to Him. MY life is in His hands. I am His, and for that matter, so are you. This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it. He is worthy to be praised so we choose to praise Him. It’s a choice. In the middle of our painful circumstances, let keep praising Him and praying for His favor.
Yes, physical pain… I know it all too well, are so it seems… 29 1/2 years! And pain is so selfish and demanding. Yet, pain has taught me to hold fast to my Saviour and to know Him in a way I could have never known Him without being on this journey. And like childbirth, when things ease up a bit, thankfully it’s even hard to recall how bad it really was until I find myself there again and again. That’s why journaling is so important so that I can look back and see His faithfulness, or when things get really rough I can hold on knowing that the One who was faithful in the past remains faithful today and forever. As the song says, “Through it all I have learned to trust in Jesus, through it all I have learned to trust in God.” Cece Winans from a Billy Graham homecoming…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFzdFzzBqTc
Continuing to pray daily for miracle upon miracle for YOU and your family!
I, too, am learning to take one day at a time and trust the Lord, for as Peter said, “Where else can I go – for You have the words of eternal life”. This is hard for me, because I loved to be busy all the time. Now I rest a lot and am not sure how my body will work from day to day – it is nothing compared to what you are fighting (and I am praying for healing for you!) but on a different scale it is learning to lean into the Lord when the circumstances are tough. I used to say leaning on the Lord, but now when I picture this, I picture leaning into His arms, which are wrapped tightly around me and I am holding on like a small child, while the storm rages around us. It doesn’t matter because I am safe in His arms!
I am praying healing, peace, comfort, strength, encouragement and small victories for you and your family. I don’t know if you can fathom how many people love you and are praying for you each day! Your work has touched countless people and you continue to reap the harvest, even with these blog posts and your attitude of perseverance and faith. Blessings on you and your family.
The Search Family loves you guys and continues to lift you up in our prayers. Thank you for sharing your journey!
Thank you, Jesus. Continuing to pray for you, Kristen, for miracles in healing and perseverance and no more pain.
We love u Kristin just read somewhere that God always answers our prayers the way we would ask if we knew what He does. I personally like hosparus and think it is a gift from God. In Him, Steve and Kathie Hodge
Steve & Kathie, I love that quote about answered prayer. I’m sure that’s so true.
Kristen,
You are an amazing example of what it truly means to live for Christ. Thank you for sharing this journey with us. We have never met, but please know that I think of you and pray for you many times throughout each day, and my prayers will continue for you and your precious family. Keep pressing on with your incredible faith.
Kristen, I continue to pray for you. Thank so very much for your blog posts. You are such an inspiration to so many. I’m so thankful for you. Love you!
In your pain you are encouraging others. It seems like that is how God does His best work. No one chooses pain, but we all thank God for how He uses it! I know I have. Praying for you and love you, Esther
Kristen, Thank you for this latest update and your continued faith in our Sovereign God Who can be trusted! He continually brings you to mind and I am praying for you and your whole family as you persevere and bring Him honor and glory. He is the God of Impossibilities!
Hey Kristen, I’m certain it took a lot of energy just to type your blog. Thanks for keeping us posted. It means a lot to us out here when you inform us. It helps focus our prayers even more. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lay in bed and wonder how God is using your pain to advance His Kingdom. I prayed to God this morning for Him to simply let you smile today. “Oh God, just give Kristen a taste of something delightful whether through spiritual or physical means, I don’t care. Just make her smile.” Please rest easy and get well. Love you and family.
I LOVE YOU, SWEET, PRECIOUS, KRISTEN!
“Thank you, Father God, for the promise that one day we will all be together in your beautiful Kingdom of Heaven for eternity, standing on Holy Ground, singing praises to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. In His name I pray…Amen”
I have been praying for you on this journey you and your family are going through. I was in one of your Bible studies at Southeast and I know God has given you the gift of teaching. You touched my heart in so many ways. We all go through different trials but God walks through them with us. Just wanted to let you know that I am lifting you up in prayer each day.
Thank you for faithfully keeping us involved, taking the time to put your heart in words on your blog. We love you SO much!!! We appreciate your transparency. PRAYERS, PRAYERS, PRAYERS!
Dillman’s praying. Bum Phillips, the coach of the Houston Oilers was quoted as saying: “Some coaches are getting fired. The rest one day will be.” In the same way some Christian brothers and sisters are hurting. The rest of us will hurt one day. But for us, the blessing is the knowledge that the day will come when every tear will be wiped away, when there will be no more hurting, no more sadness, no more pain. But on our journey there, we have the opportunity to proclaim God’s glory, in every circumstance. Praying for you, and for the Sauder family.
Still praying and like you ,Trusting in the one who is Trustworthy. He is using you even now to bless and encourage. I have a thought that God gave me, Remove the old to make room for the new. He is making all things new. I pray for you and your family.
“I look for His work and expect fruit for the Kingdom and glory for the King!” We are in one accord and as we expect together along with more than we can even imagine Kristen. The Lord and all the intercessors the saints above and on earth are praying. He is at work, our God who never sleeps guarding, guiding and graciously providing His children their daily bread. Your cup is overflowing with His goodness blessing others in the midst of the suffering. I love you and your family…praying and praising Him for He is faithful and true to His word. Our hope is in the Lord!
Continued prayers for you today, sweet Kristin. You are precious in the eyes of the the Lord, and He will carry you through.
Kristen, I was notified of your illness through a friend at Southeast. Jim and I worshiped there for 18 years before moving to Southern IN. Jim was diagnosed with stage 3 pancreatic cancer in November 2012 and it has been a blessing in ways we could not imagine. At first it was horrendous because he was in so much physical pain, but Praise Jesus it’s under control now and God is using this to reach people. I have been praying for you and trusting Him for a miracle for you as well as Jim.
“The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.”
(Lam 3:22-23) Blessings to you and your witness!
We will continue to pray for the Sauder family. We love you guys and think about you often.
Sweet, precious Kristen. We are in deep prayer for you today, knowing that you are in God’s hands, as always. This is a pivotal day, no doubt, and hopefully in your healing.
May you rest comfortably in his hands and know how very much you are loved by all.
We trust Him always. But it is painful to believe He would take you home. Lifting you up, so that He may be glorified. You glorify Him more in a moment than most of us do in a lifetime.
Kristen, every time I read your blog I am reminded of how brave you are!
Thank you for teaching us what a warrior spirit looks like. Your blog is so beautiful and means so much to us who do not know the right words to say. So with love to our precious Savior Jesus we lift up our hands and cry out to Him on your behalf, not understanding, yet with such faith that in His perfect love you rest…
Love to you and your family,
The Brooks..
Praise God for you Kristen. We love you! Your words and life have touched us in so many ways. Even though we’ve never met… we are bonded and you are loved deeply. In heaven we’ll have time to catch up and I’ll have a clearer mind to share all the special ways your posts have uplifted me. Today I’m looking more forward to that day than ever!!
And now sweet Kristen, you may have your dance on golden streets and in His arms. Can’t wait to.see you again someday, dear sister. Thank you is not enough for what your heart and words have done for me.
Kristen, today you went to be with the Lord. I know that you are not in any pain and that you are dancing and rejoicing with Jesus. Those of us who remain here on earth, waiting to be called home, will miss you and the inspiration that you gave to us. I will not lie, my heart is breaking not only for myself but for Kurt and the kids as well. I know that you will watch over them from heaven and as you do I will pray that they will grow strong and will heal from losing their earthly mom. Hugs, prayers and love being sent to your family.
I can only imagine what you are getting to see and enjoy with the Father today. No more pain, no more doctors or medicines. You have a new heavenly body free of cancer!! While we rejoice in your freedom from suffering, so many left behind will miss you greatly. ” I will rise when He calls my name; no more sorrow, no more pain. I will rise, on eagles wings; before my God, fall on my knees and rise!”
Though our time together was brief the whole Sauder family reminded us of angels sent to do His work. You have been in our hearts since we learned of your illness and with hearts heavy and very sad we know your celebration has just begun. We will keep the family in our prayers for a peace only He can give. Victory in Jesus!
Reading this makes me feel joy and sorrow at the same time. My prayers are with Kurt and the kids since I don’t believe Kristen needs them where she is now. Praise be to God!
Kristen, I’ve been looking a videos on Youtube of people who’ve died and gone to Heaven and how awesome and wonderful it is!! Wow, you are with the Father! I didn’t know you that long, but the little time that I did, you and Curt have made a big difference in Jonathan’s and my family’s heart. We will miss you. Tell Matt I said Hi. What a blog!! You are still touching so many lives!!
I am grateful that our paths crossed, if only for a few brief time, and that I had the opportunity to be of service to you in pursuit of your vision.
I may not know you but I am thrilled to reading your blog and so thankful for your journey in following Jesus..I learn to trust Him alone and pray..your story reminds me to remember no matter how much we suffer, we can always ask God to heal us..praying for your family from a distant has kept my faith in Christ strong..Praise God you are in Heaven rejoicing with Jesus!!!
Michelle S.
We grieve with the family, knowing that Kristen is no longer with us; but, enjoying the joy of God. We will join her some day in the future when called to change our address too. What a beautiful life, and how brightly her light did shine. Thank you God for sharing her with us.
Kurt and family,
The Holy Spirit led me to Kristen’s blog through Facebook. I deeply wish I could’ve had the chance to meet Kristen and have the honor of calling her friend. I’m struggling to find the words to convey the encouragement this post has brought to me. I am not dealing with an illness, but I am in the midst if several difficult life circumstances. As I read of Kristen’s joy, peace, trust, and deep love for our Savior I wept. If Kristen could experience those things during the intense pain of her last days on earth, I can experience them too in the midst of far less challenging circumstances. Even though Kristen is in the King’s presence, He used her words to say exactly what I needed to hear. She challenged me to a deeper intimacy with Christ, and since I cannot thank her yet I wanted you to know how grateful I am that she took the time and effort to write this entry. It made a profound impact on me in ways only God understands, and I believe He will continue to use Kristen’s words to draw people to Himself.
Praying for your family,
Megan
My heart is heavy this morning for Kurt and the children. Reading Kristen’s final blog helps us to hear her voice and to experience her amazing trust and faith in Jesus one more time. She was a beautiful person. She will be greatly missed.
Kurt and family…lifting you up today as the Father hears your needs. bless you, julie houser