As most of you know, Mom loved journaling and even more than journaling, she loved looking back through past journals to see how God had revealed Himself to her. Before she went to be with Jesus, Mom gave the five of us permission to read through her journals. This has been a huge joy and honor. We have laughed, cried and shared story after story that she had recorded.
For most of us, the fact that Mom is in heaven still hasn’t completely sunk in. The void that she left is slowly starting to feel larger and larger but reality hasn’t hit us hard yet. As we have all tried to get back into the swing of normalcy (as much as that’s possible), we have each had the tendency to begin ministry, schoolwork and daily activities as if nothing had happened. One of Matthew’s professors encouraged him by saying that our tendency is going to want to work double time to try to complete everything we missed, but in reality we will only be able to work at half the normal speed.
Reading through one of Mom’s journals from 2006, I found a time she had recorded when we were going to have guests in our home and she felt a strong need to clean, prepare and anxiously “do” before they arrived. Quietly the Lord said, “Be still”. If you spent even a short amount of time with Mom you probably know how meaningful Psalm 46:10 was to her.
She writes, “House fairly picked up, but of course not clean enough for me to be at ease. Forgive my worry, Father…There’s something in my spirit that won’t sit still this morning. It’s pushing me, pulling me to get up. My mind betrays me as it jumps to the list on the counter and flits back and forth entertaining thoughts of things that must be done. As much as I try to be still there’s something in me that runs to hurry, that whispers ‘get it all done and then you will be able to rest and be still.’ But I buffet my body, bringing into submission the legs that want to move, the hands that want to work, the mind that wants to focus on temporary things like cleaning for company. I choose quiet. In quiet and rest is my salvation…You are in my home just as it is. You see all, know all, and You stay here with me.”
Later she observes that the phrase “Be still” is the same word Jesus spoke to the wind and the waves while in the boat with the disciples. The result of Him saying, “Be still” was that the disciples knew He was God. She writes, “When we respond to His command to “be still” we experience Him as God and experience a God-touched life.”
These days we are doing a lot of “being still”. Will you join us? What is He asking you to put on hold so that you can be with Him? We appreciate your continued prayers. Sadness is slowly sinking in more and more, and we must fix our eyes on our Great Comforter. We thank each of you for prayers, support, encouragement and love.
Love, Olivia for the Sauder’s
Thank you so much for posting that, even in your time for temporary sorrow. It was so timely for me. “Hurry up,” has always shouted to me but I am learning that being still and listening for His voice in all the chaos and “to do’s” will get me through anything!! May God continue to hold you all up and may the Comforter be in and surrounding you as you continue to lift Him up even through your tears.
Praying as you sit still you will find comfort in your new normal. You have your mother’s gift of sharing a story. Thank you for sharing .
Mrs. Burger
Olivia… I know how much my journaling has meant to me over the last 4 1/2 years and like your mama, I have told my children that once I have left this earth to please read my journals! They have recorded my many thoughts, prayers and quiet times with God throughout my journey! I am sure this has been such a precious time as you read your sweet mama’s words that she recorded throughout the years. What an amazing legacy she has left and I am sure we all still have so much to learn from her! I look forward to reading more on this blog as you and your family continue to discover all the wonderful jewels she has left for you! And thank you for the reminder to “Be still”… I needed to hear this today! Covering you and your family with so many prayers! 🙂
Dear Olivia and family:
It is still hard to accept that Kristen has gone home to be with THE LORD. I still am thinking there is a mistake and that she will be here any minute. But deeo diwn inside I know that there is no mistake that she is in HEAVEN right now and at peace with the HEAVENLY FATHER as we shall be one day. I don’t say GOODBYE because it is not forever it is just for a little while. So instead I will say GOODNIGHT SWEET ANGEL and know that Kristen is watching over all of you and her CHRISTIAN family and guiding all of you and us each and everyday down the right path and leading lost souls to CHRIST. May GOD be with you all and comfort you in your sorrow and may you be blessed with his embraceable love and and embracing hug and let you know everything will be all right. My prayers are with you and the family and I hope to hear from you from time to time. Take care and know that GOD and JESUS LOVES YOU AND YOUR FAMILY and so do I. Love Patty
Glorious, Olivia! Simply a glorious post! What a wonderfully wise young lady you are! Truly your mother’s daughter! Savoring the Savior with stillness, sister! Love and continued prayers for all your dear family! Just wish you were in hugging range!
My name is Gail Russo Davis and my son, Michael, was in Kristen’s class at Vandalia Christian School in Greensboro, NC. I am also a breast cancer survivor, having just been released by all doctors, but my oncologist this past month. Thank you so much for you continued thoughts and insights. My family has also lost my brother (11-3-2013) and my sister (10-27-2012), so you see that Kristen’s recorded journey and all the insights that the Lord gave her have been very helpful to me. Her words were comforting and filled with wisdom. I have learned much from Kristen and her experiences as well as my own. I know without a doubt that He is continually with me and that He loving leads me onward. Where He leads, I will follow.
So sorry for your loss,
Gail Russo Davis
It is so GOOD to hear your mom’s words Olivia!! And yours as well. I had just been woken and was feeling sad about your mom right now in the middle of the night and took it as a prompting to pray for you all, that The Lord would be comforting and helping your dad and all of you sleep peacefully. I checked the blog hoping for a post and I am blessed and encouraged by your words. Thank you for the reminder to put on hold what I need to for stillness today. Thank you for writing! Know I am always praying for you and love you all so much!!
Dearest Olivia, I just caught myself again yesterday feeling overwhelmed and needing the peace that only comes from time alone with the LORD. Thank you for sharing your heart and this very timely reminder from your Mama’s journal. Love & prayers. <
Livie, thanks so much for continuing the blog – it means so much! You were so Blessed to have Kristen for your Mom, and we have been so Blessed to know her and to love her (along with you and your whole family). We are hurting with you, and also celebrating her with you as you share the precious stories. It is because your Mom was so special that she leaves such a huge hole behind. Surely our loss is Heaven’s gain! With much love.
Sweet Olivia
Thank you for making time for us. I can’t help but reflect how much your momma is resonating through your words above. Wow did she ever prepare you to love The Lord and reflect Him, even in the hardest moments of your lives.
Thankful you are living and loving and grieving out loud. We are too.
And now, being still alongside you.
Much love
Ah Olivia thank you so much for keeping in touch and for sharing this snippet into your mom’s very special times with The Lord. Mr. Lee and I are praying that the Creator of Time and Space will provide the time needed to process all that has occurred and continue to reveal these awesome truths. I will “be still” with you guys and pray that we all live a “God touched” lives. We love you all so much!
Olivia, thank you so much for sharing this! Your mother was a truly blessed and gifted speaker. After reading this post from one of her journal entries she was a gifted writers as well. You and all of your family are in my thoughts and prayers daily.
Olivia, this is beautiful. I have always loved reading the “Blogs” that your mom and your family post. I want to print all of them and keep them in a book just to refer to and reflect upon. What an inspiration.
Loving you all dearly,
Mrs. Wes’
Thank you, Olivia, for writing and sharing this. As one who is driven to “do” I often find it challenging to “be”. This is such a timely reminder to
“Be still…and know… that He is God.”
Your momma lives on through you.
Remembering you all in prayer.
Olivia, thank you for writing this beautiful entry. Thank you for sharing your precious mama’s journal entry with us. What a treasured gift she left you in her journals. I continue to lift you and your family up to sweet Jesus.
Olivia,
Hearing you speak on this blog, is like hearing your mom. She is continuing to bless us all even in her death with these blogs. This totally proves that death truly has lost its sting and that Satan will never defeat Kristen. Thanks so much for sharing this truth. I, too, identify with the behaviors that she wrote about, and often need to hear the words: “Be still”. I really appreciate the challenge to be more deliberate in my pondering about what and when I need to be “more still”. I will continue to pray that the Great Comforter will bring you and your family that peace that passes understanding.
In His Name,
Pam
Thank you, very much, for sharing, Olivia. You are carrying on your mom’s ministry as you do. She received much wisdom from the Lord and you are so blessed to have her journals. You and your family are brought before the Lord in prayer. Be assured that He knows your suffering and you are precious in His sight.
Olivia, it’s hard to believe that a 20 year old has so much wisdom and grace. I did not know your Mom except through this blog, but over the last few months she has become a very important part of my life, as I have looked forward to each blog she posted. So then I can only imagine how important her words in her journal are to you her precious daughter. Thank you for sharing this with us and my hope is that you will continue to share Kristen’s wisdom and understanding of Jesus with us. It was such a thrill to open the blog and see a new post from you, but really you do sound just like your Mother when you write. She has surely taught you well. Keep your eyes on the Lord from whom cometh your strength dear one and each day it will become easier as you tranfer your burden to Him.
You and your family are constantly in my prayers.
Olivia, thank you for sharing with us this lesson from your mom’s journal/journey. I so appreciate this reminder as the busyness of everyday life is a constant distraction for me. I have re-read this in the quiet of the mornings and made this line “But I buffet my body, bringing into submission the legs that want to move, the hands that want to work, the mind that wants to focus on temporary things” my prayer each day. Thank you for challenging us all in the midst of your own journey. Continuing to pray…Ellen
Olivia,
Thanks for taking the time to let us know how your family is doing. We continue to life you all up in prayer. Your mom always encouraged us in her Bible studies to journal and record God’s blessings in our lives. Because of her, I started a “blessings journal” years ago. May God continue to give you comfort and peace in the days ahead.
Dear Olivia, Thank you for writing your thoughts and how you’re doing at this very sad, but also joyful time in your life and your families. I guess I should start out by saying I am Uncle
Kelly’s mother. Seems a little strange that through all these years of friendship between the Sauter’s and the Davis’ that we never had the opportunity to meet all of you. that being said, we always knew about your family and what you all meant to Kelly, Christy, and the boys. I have spent some time reading your Mom’s blogs, and only wish I had started . How precious for you that God blessed you with such a godly and wise Mother. Her strong and bold faith in our Lord and Savior is and still will be a beautiful testament and encouragement to all the lives she will touch through her writings. Be Still is so helpful to me when I want to quiet my heart to Jesus. I will continue to pray for all of you,and especially as you plan your upcoming wedding,may it be a day full of joy for you and Matt (hope that’s right), and give glory and honor to your beautiful Mom and especially to God our Father. Very Fondly with love, Donna and Don Davis, Rockford,Il.
Kurt, Olivia, Drew, Elly & Ivy,
Greetings from Kenya!
How nice and refreshing to read this blog. How encouraging to know that the Lord is faithfully walking with and strengthening you through this season. Our prayers for you do not cease. We will keep praying. May the words of Psalm 20 be your portion.
We love you dearly and hope to see you all someday.
Simon, Sophie, Covenant, Promise, & Beracah
I was just reading Psalm 31. I hope that verse 7 is encouraging as you grieve with hope: “I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul.”