Gratitude while Grieving
In his book Tracks of a Fellow Struggler, John Claypool describes the heart-wrenching struggles of suffering, pain and death through three roads. (His daughter had a difficult battle with leukemia when God took her home to heaven).
The first one is the unquestioning resignation road. Travelers on that road try to trust God and just move on, believing they have no right to ask God any deep, penetrating questions. But this path seems to contradict the Bible. God invites us to interact with Him. We are His children, and children ask questions of their parents. Ultimately, we must trust Him, but this does not mean that we cannot ask the tough, brutal questions that harbor in our minds. Claypool dismisses this first road as a dead end that leads to despair.
The second path in suffering is trying to reach total intellectual understanding, explaining everything and putting a nice bow around every question. But this, too, is not the ultimate answer. Job’s friends had plenty of comments and suggestions for their suffering friend, but those responses were anything but helpful. Who can adequately respond to the hardest questions regarding the mysterious ways of God? His ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. This road also leads to a dead end of trying to tie up all the loose ends.
For me, the third response triggered a huge wave of comfort in the midst of my own grief. Claypool calls it the road of gratitude. Life is a gift and when a gift is given, we must give thanks and appreciate the gift for as long as we have it. But when the gift is taken away or removed, we can’t pout or blame the God who withdrew it, rather we give Him praise for the beautiful gift that we received and enjoyed. As I write this, tears have continued to pour down my cheeks, but I have a fresh perspective of praise and gratitude. I can’t say that I won’t cry any more or have days of deep sorrow in missing Kristen, but God has used this author, who lost his 10-year-old daughter to help me through my time of grief. I can either choose to grieve, mourn and even pout indefinitely, or I can choose to give thanks for 22 wonderful years of a marriage that was so rich and so beautiful in many, many ways. I choose the latter! Kristen was an incredible gift, and I praise Him for the precious gift of being her husband and best friend for over two decades. I choose to travel in that road of gratitude even when the tears flow.
I’m so grateful for this picture of our missions trip to Africa!
What an excellent lesson, Kurt! And with your SWEET heart, of course you choose gratitude, amid tears! It so lines up with the very heart of God! Giving thanks for what you WERE given…and now the gift of grace that He lavishes upon you to further trust Him…just LOVE you, dear brother! Thanks so much for sharing!
Thanks for sharing!!
You also have 2 beautiful younger daughters who attend classes with my 2 girls on Fridays. They both have encouraged my daughters in so many ways . . . . Thank you for sharing them!! They will be missed next year!!
Even though I did not know Kristen personally (we’d only met one time) I grieve with you all as a mom & a wife. Your entire family has shown such faith, thru this Blog, and you continue to inspire & encourage me in my faith walk!! Blessings to you & your family!!
I believe that you have indeed chosen the right road, although it is still a hard one at times to travel. You will get there. God bless.
Perfect perspective. Still praying!
Kurt, I have so loved continuing to read this blog. I lost my mother at 12, so I relate very closely to your story and your children. I have been sharing your family’s posts with my sister. Even after all these years, we need this nourishment. You all have inspired us in ways we never knew as grieving pre-teens and young women. Our father took and still takes the “pouting and blaming” path that has hurt our relationships with him to this day. Please accept our deepest gratitude to you and the children for your Biblical and honest sharing of your journey. We grieve with you and give thanks for Kristen’s incredible gifts. I’m so honored to have known her, and studied her teachings. She and your family have witnessed and ministered to me in ways I hope will bring you comfort. God bless you all.
Thank you for continuing this blog. Thank you for your sharing your grief. Thank you for your honest thoughts. You may not realize it but you are teaching others, in your transparency, how Christ followers respond to the harsh realities of life. Greg and I work with people who are turned off by Christianity as they perceive it to be a religion of fake people who are out of touch with the real world. I can not argue there may be some as described but then again I share this blog, allow them to read the journey of a family who is “real” and “Christian.” Your blog opens up dialogue for discussion. I, personally, learn something new every time I read the blog. I, like everyone else, so wish Kristen was still was still here but then I am reminded she is still living through your precious family.
Kurt, I’m so thankful for your post. The loss of Kristen on earth represents so many losses all wrapped up in 1 gigantic loss. It’s so hard to face the pain, but thanksgiving helps you see the hope that God gives as you walk through your grief, yes, with tears that bring a bit of healing and relief. We hurt not as you do, but with you, and pray for you often.
Love,
Marci
I am struggling with my first Mothers Day without my mom and it is so difficult but your words are a comfort to me. Thank you for you and your children for continuing this blog, it is a great comfort.