George Mueller once wrote, “The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.” The past year for me and the kids has been a season of anxiety, pain and grief. But as we launch into this new year, we want to walk with an ever-increasing faith and trust in our great Almighty God.
For more than 10 years, I have started a new journal in January, beginning by jotting down all of the things for which I am grateful from the previous year. But this January 1, I had decided that I was not going to write down a list of highlights, since 2014 was so difficult. Then I felt led by God to write anyway.
I began to argue with the Lord. I prayed to him: “Lord, You know I’ve been heartbroken. You know the deep pain that the kids and I have gone through. Why are you pushing me to do this? Why is this so important to You, Father? Lord, I’m not grateful for 2014! I’m not thankful that Kristen is not with me. I’m not grateful for our tremendous loss. I’m not thankful for the pain. I’m not thankful for being alone. I’m not thankful for not having my best friend, my bride, my lover, my ministry partner…gone.”
But the Lord pressed me and I opened to the first page of my 2015 journal. Before I knew it, I had 2 1/2 pages of experiences and blessings from the hand of God in 2014.
Let me mention just a few of these things:
- Kristen’s life and death continues to impact and influence people by the thousands, including many decisions to follow Christ and make Him their master, Lord, and leader.
- Kristen’s visitation, funeral, blog and videos have ministered to people all over the world.
- Our Southeast family and Christians all over this country have encouraged and supported us in so many ways – from prayer, meals, gifts, gift cards, partnering with us through Further Still…and the list goes on and on.
- Olivia had her first speaking opportunity with Further Still this past Fall.
- I have been able to speak about Kristen and our story to church leaders across the country. One of my favorite opportunities has been to do that with Bob Russell at his retreats for pastors.
- Drew has been accepted at UK and worked at Country Lake Retreat Center most of the year.
- Ivy has been accepted at Western Kentucky and has had a great experience at Christian Academy for her senior year.
- Ellie has been working at Chick-fil-A since April and a special highlight: we get to eat for half-price as a family! 🙂 She too has had a wonderful experience at Christian Academy as a sophomore.
- Some dear friends let us use their condo in Florida right after Kristen’s funeral where we were able to rest and grieve in the sunshine. Drew, my Dad, my uncle and I went shark fishing and caught more than 40 sharks in one afternoon.
As you can see in the midst of our pain, God has been very good to us. As we move forward in 2015 we are committed to walking by faith and growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus.
Thank you for being a blessing in our lives.
Love, Kurt
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