Tuesday was the 6 month mark since mom’s passing. All day I ignored it, I told myself its just another day, I’m fine. But when I went to bed my brain started to shut down and I couldn’t distract it anymore. My eyes over flowed with tears as my brain replayed January 22 all over again. From in the morning when dad called from the hospital, to that night, laying in bed with a heavy heart and mind full of questions.
Eight months ago I remember thinking, it would be absolutely impossible for me to live on this earth without mom, Lord you have to heal her! There is no other way! Now look how far He has gotten me! Everyday I ask for grace, strength and mercy, and He has most certainly provided. Every night my heart is still heavy and weary and my mind still full of questions. But when I keep my eyes gazed on Him, the questions from my worried heart start to blur. Its not some miraculous experience that makes everything better and happy. Its a daily choice I make, that brings a little satisfaction and comfort. A little brake for my heart to be at peace so I may get through just today. And I am so grateful for that! Nothing would make me more happy than to be in heaven with her right now. But when I focus on the Lord I see that He has called me here, for this time and purpose. So I stay in tuned with Him, taking one day at a time, until that day comes.
Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
Thank you for your prayers, they are definitely still needed and extremely appreciated!
Love, Ellie
Heather Borntraeger says
Praying with you for strength for the day and great hope for tomorrow. She shared her faith in Jesus with you and now you demonstrate your trust in your Savior. There is no better place to be than walking closely with the Lord and no better tribute to your mom than to show that you are walking in the truth (3 John 4). God bless you and your family.
Nancy Aguiar says
Oh Ellie, thanks for letting us peer into your precious, tender, exposed heart today…a dwelling place for the Almighty One, who fashioned you to be the fourth Sauder child! A place of great prominence! Thank you for keeping your eyes squarely fixed on Jesus…excellent positioning! I am so proud of you, letting the Spirit lead onward for these impossible six months! Your faith is being proved authentic, sweetheart! May God’s grace cover you now and forevermore, my sweet young lady! May mercy, peace, and love be multiplied to you (Jude 2). He is faithful…
kim says
thank you Ellie for sharing your heart. continuing to pray for you and your family. So thankful for the weekly posts.
Steve Arnold says
I pray that you will be strengthened by the prayers of all God’s people. I miss hearing your mom on the radio everyday. She is such an inspiration to us all!! Looking forward to the day when we will see her, hear her and be with her again!!!! I will be praying for you and your family Ellie.
Deborah Neilan says
Dear Ellie, we still think of your family often. Indeed, your words are true…for they are full of the promises of our gracious, heavenly Father, who sent His Spirit to comfort us and to guide us. God has plans for each of us, doesn’t He? So much work while it is still DAY. My prayer for you, and for each member of your precious family, is that you will continue to KNOW the power of the resurrection…to implore that power to live out the life God has ordained for each of you…and to hold fast to the anchor of HOPE in Christ until the time of His coming…when we shall ALL get to see your WONDERFUL mother AGAIN! ~ Much love, Mrs. Neilan, aka, Hunter’s mom. 🙂
Jan Veal says
I have continued to pray for your family. It is OK to mourn your mom. Six months is not very long. I love your decision to daily focus on The Lord. You have a maturity beyond your years. I pray that you will feel the comfort of God’s presence daily.
Heather Rattray says
We love you, Ellie! We will keep praying!!
Pat says
Sweetest One, Your Mamma will always remain in my heart. By the example of ALL your family, the love of Jesus shines through! My daily prayers remain for your family–for your daily Bread. From my Jesus Calling devo. yest. “I am training you to hold in your heart a dual focus: MY continual Presence & the Hope of Heaven”. Lotsa Loves
Linda Blanford says
Thanks for ministering to me this day sweet one. Yes God does have a plan and purpose for you to fulfill. I see it in your writings. I continue to lift each of you in the Sauder family up to the Lord daily. Love all of you so much!
Wendy says
Ellie, thank you so much for your words… just so you know that your family’s ministry continues to fan far and wide… I have a friend who’s 14 yr old son has asperger’s and I forward your words in particular and it is inspiring to her, using your encouraging words to encourage him. Many blessings each day to you and your family.
Liz Grider says
I want you to know that you and your family are being lifted up. My husband and I barely met your mom and dad, but we followed your om’s blog during her illness and continue to watch and pray for your family. Thank you for sharing some of her writings! I have been awed with God’s ability to reach and teach through her writings even though she is no longer here. I cannot imagine your pain, but I can imagine the God of the angel armies surrounding you with mercy and grace as you persevere in him.
Jeana Miller says
Ellie, I think of you almost every day! I have always liked your name, and for the past eleven years, on the way to or from home, I pass by “Ellie Lane” off Routt Road. I’m also doing your Mom’s God-Seeker Bible Study again right now… [I was in the original Pilot study during the summer at your Aunt Valerie’s house the first time. Be assured that you and your family are loved and prayed for continually… You are precious! <