Tuesday was the 6 month mark since mom’s passing. All day I ignored it, I told myself its just another day, I’m fine. But when I went to bed my brain started to shut down and I couldn’t distract it anymore. My eyes over flowed with tears as my brain replayed January 22 all over again. From in the morning when dad called from the hospital, to that night, laying in bed with a heavy heart and mind full of questions.
Eight months ago I remember thinking, it would be absolutely impossible for me to live on this earth without mom, Lord you have to heal her! There is no other way! Now look how far He has gotten me! Everyday I ask for grace, strength and mercy, and He has most certainly provided. Every night my heart is still heavy and weary and my mind still full of questions. But when I keep my eyes gazed on Him, the questions from my worried heart start to blur. Its not some miraculous experience that makes everything better and happy. Its a daily choice I make, that brings a little satisfaction and comfort. A little brake for my heart to be at peace so I may get through just today. And I am so grateful for that! Nothing would make me more happy than to be in heaven with her right now. But when I focus on the Lord I see that He has called me here, for this time and purpose. So I stay in tuned with Him, taking one day at a time, until that day comes.
Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
Thank you for your prayers, they are definitely still needed and extremely appreciated!