John Ortberg writes that the disciples were always pestering Jesus with questions: “Hey Jesus, can I sit at your right hand? Hey Jesus, how many times do I have to forgive this guy? Hey Jesus, why was this man blind from birth? Hey Jesus, what’s this parable mean? Hey Jesus, shall we call down fire from heaven to blast the Samaritans? Hey Jesus, what do you mean in a little while?”
But don’t we have the same types of questions today? Ortberg continues: “Hey Jesus, why does this little boy have a brain tumor? Hey Jesus, why do hungry children keep dying and wars keep breaking out? Hey Jesus, why did my child run away? Hey Jesus, why did my marriage fall apart? Why did my father suffer from a crippling depression?”
In the last eight months, I have asked Jesus many questions about Kristen: Hey Jesus, why did she have to suffer so much? Hey Jesus, why take a 45-year-old incredible servant of God away from this sin-stained world where she was making such a difference? Hey Jesus, why would you take such beautiful model of a mom away from her children who was their biggest encourager? Hey Jesus, why take this beautiful wife away from her husband with this deep rich marriage that was an example to so many?
In a word, we ask: “Hey Jesus, this just doesn’t make sense…Why?”
I have not heard an audible voice, but I have heard some answers in the depths of my soul. Through his Spirit, by his Word, and within the body of Christ, I have heard His still quiet voice. He has said to me: Hey Kurt, I love you and the kids deeply. Hey Kurt, my ways are not your ways; my thoughts are not your thoughts. Hey Kurt, my plans are not to hurt or harm you, but to give you hope and a future. Hey Kurt, trust me. Hey Kurt, I will make everything right– be patient and wait on me. I promise…I will make everything right. Look at my record; look at my Son and His death. Base your hope on our history.
So I say with the songwriter: “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness…” So I keep trusting, keep waiting, and keep looking to Jesus.
Blessings,
Kurt
Hi Kurt! Thanks so much for sharing your feelings with us! You, Kristen and your family have been such a great inspiration to me and my family! Many Thanks!! I sure do miss hearing Kristen’s motivational and inspirational messages on the radio everyday! We can all look forward to seeing her and hearing her again when we get to Heaven!!! That is our hope and our promise!!! Praise the Lord Today and Always!!!! Steve
Thanks, Brother, for those heartfelt words. I still hear the pain in them, but also healing and hope.
Romans 4:3 “What does Scripture say? “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.” Thought of this verse, putting Kurt where it says Abraham.
Praying for Peace and Blessing for you and the kiddos today.
Love you.
From one who has some questions of her own, I thank you for your honesty and your faithful trust that Jesus will make everything right in his time. I am holding onto that. God bless you and your family with His perfect peace and hope.
Kurt, I pray this shall encourage you as you have encouraged me and our family so many times. The “why’s” of life in suffering/struggling on a daily basis over eight years now have come to fruition in two small group studies I am finally able to facilitate, through God’s strength, at home. We are studying Thomas Finch’s (A Moody professor I thought you or your daughter might know) “Unmapped Darkness”. As we gather, our why’s are turning into “for what purpose, Oh Lord” shall you use our sufferings? What are you trying to teach us so that we my glorify you and become, with each breath, more like your son? Bless you and your whole family as you continue to walk by faith…counting on the TRUTH of God’s Word…that He will work all to the good…because YOU LOVE HIM. Deb and all the Neilans’
What you wrote is so true of everyone going through grief, and I held on to some of those very same answers after I lost Russell. Acceptance that “God’s ways are not our ways” is sometimes so hard but as Amy Carmichael stated, “in acceptance comes peace.” It just takes a long time for it to come when we are grieving. So don’t give up. Keep asking and keep going one day at a time. Jesus is walking right beside you. One day, I believe we will understand. May you always feel His comforting presence around you. Blessings! Patty
Thank you for sharing your heart with so many.
What a steadfast witness you are, Kurt. There is no possible way a human being ALONE could survive this past 2 years. I believe Kristen made it easier because of the way she left us all, the things she said, her courage. She accepted it; can we do no less? But the puzzling questions DO, in fact, remain, leaving only unhelpful Christian platitudes. Your church family is close to you, Kurt, as the disciples were to Jesus as he struggled in the Garden. Not my will, Lord.
Amazing faith my brother! It is apparent that the depth of love for your precious wife and kids is only surpassed by your love for Jesus. God is being glorified through you! We know the best is yet to come but I know right now the pain is great!! Thank you for modeling strength to me… I know where you get it from. Prayers and love to you and the kids
Kurt, Loss of someone we dearly love is never easy. Especially when that someone meant the whole world to us. But, take heart my friend. God has meaning in this as he does everything he does. Nothing God ever does is without a cause.
I lost my Mom to lung cancer at the ripe age of 55. There was no cure, only pain and suffering. But, because of her death my relationship with God grew to a much deeper level.
It will take you some time to find out why God took her the way he did. But when you find the answer it may not cause rejoicing because you will still feel the hurt but at least you will know in your heart of hearts the why of it. And you will be at peace with the answer.
I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you and may God continue to bless you and your family. Only our relationship with God makes this life worth anything. Everything else is sinking sand. God bless. Steve
Hi Kurt. I met you for the first time yesterday at Earthfare! I have been following your story since Jan 2013, so I felt I already knew you somewhat. I just wanted to say one thing. I never met Kristen, but I felt compelled to attend her eulogy after following the blog. I was really moved and very blessed to be there. Listening to the stories of Kristen by people who knew her made me want to be a better follower of Christ. It really touched me. I just wanted to tell you that. I pray for you often. I hope your pain is slightly lessened by those who are helping you carry the load by their prayers. God Bless You!
Came across this tonight. A dear friend of my who is a wonderful Christian..her daughter is about to leave us as Kristen did. Her testimony is so strong and she is 46 with 2 children..8 and 10. My friends husband is very ill at the same time and she is running back in forth between hospitals. They have suffered much but…they know the Lord and his love. I am passing on some of this to her. Thanks for you honest heart of sharing. God is using it and Kristen words in her last video to so many. prayers continue through this most difficult of years. The tent is always waiting.